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Astrology Jokes

Medium Wanda

Medium Wanda

Staff member
Aug 8, 2022
Astrology is a tricky subject because people are made to believe that celestial objects and some Zodiac signs have a way of affecting our lives and destiny. It is problematic because sometimes the prediction according to the star or the moon comes out true and other times it doesn't.

This leaves us with two questions; did the celestial objects not reveal accurate information, or is the reader a fake? Either way, astrology has been used for a long time to hoodwink people and exploit them for their money. Other times, some selfish and arrogant people hide under the guise of astrology and their zodiac signs to get away with nasty attitudes and behaviors.

The concept of astrology was introduced over 2300 years ago when the old Babylonians formulated the idea that the gods dwell in the stars. It is believed that through celestial objects, the gods were able to pass their message across to humans and manipulate them to do according to their wishes and whims.

So the night sky was divided into 12 pieces which are now known as zodiac signs today or horoscope signs. And according to some studies and research, a large percentage of Americans are committed to the ideas behind astrology, and they take it so seriously that they apply it to their everyday life.

And that is why there are astrology jokes; it's funny that some people live their lives and exhibit some behaviors and then blame it on their zodiac signs.

But why do some people let themselves be controlled by zodiac signs and horoscopes? Well, the truth is when you see or read something that aligns with your thoughts and beliefs, you tend to make it your lifestyle. For some people, zodiac and horoscope signs are just a way to catch fun and introduce positivity into their lives. On the other hand, some live and wake by it.

In this article, we've provided some astrology jokes that will make you laugh or shake your head in amusement at how some people misuse zodiac signs. Read on.

  1. Don't blame the Zodiac Signs​

It's funny how people use the zodiac sign to justify dirty and nasty behavior and then try to blame it on the zodiac sign. Here's a scenario; a lady behaves in a wrong way to her boss at work, and when she's corrected or reprimanded, she goes, "oh, I'm sorry, I can't help but behave that way; I'm Scorpio." But in reality, the lady is just outrightly rude and needs to fix her manners. Blaming her behavior on her zodiac signs will only give her the liberty to repeat it.
  1. No Zodiac signs exist​

How do you explain to someone bent on living their lives according to the zodiac and horoscope signs that they can live their lives without these signs? It's funny how people try to bring up the top of Zodiac signs in every conversation.

Here's a conversation between a guy and a girl that believes so much in zodiac signs:
Girl: So, what's your zodiac sign?
Guy: Dinosaur
Girl: But that doesn't even exist.
Guy: Exactly, that's the point.
Girl: Huh?
Guy: None of them exist.
  1. Planets are to blame​

By default, people never want to take responsibility for anything. They're always looking for the next person they can shift the blame on. So if, according to your cancer sign, you can stab someone in the neck when you're angry, does that give you the right to do that? This situation is funny because how do you plead your case before a judge? Here's a scenario:

Judge: Mr. X, what's your reason for stabbing the plaintiff?
Defendant: My lord, well, according to my zodiac sign, whenever I'm angry, I tend to lose control and stab people.
Judge: Well, if your zodiac sign tells you that you can stab people, I hope it tells you the number of years you'll be serving in jail. If you blame the earth now, do you think it'd be nice to you as you sit on the cold hard jail floor?

The essence of this scenario is to show how people get away with offenses that are not as grave as stabbing people. They treat other people wrong and are disrespectful, but when you ask them about it, they say their zodiac sign supports their actions, and they only live up to their horoscope signs.

Well, here's the truth, if you believe so much in zodiac signs, why don't you embrace the positive aspects and do away with the negative aspects? The stars may be unable to save you when the repercussion of your evil actions catches up with you.
  1. Classic moment​

In 2011, scientists discovered the 13th zodiac sign Ophiuchus to the list of others. But what did we do? We all collectively chose to ignore it because we were already comfortable with the one we thought aligned with us.

It's funny because, if it weren't 12 in the first place, everyone would still have a zodiac sign that matches their lifestyle. The truth is that everyone who takes the zodiac sign too seriously finds the one that suits them and embraces it. But what if the new zodiac sign is more befitting? They wouldn't want to let go because it will take a while to fashion their lifestyle to what the new zodiac signs say about them. It would be even more complicated if the new zodiac sign didn't leave room for any of their excesses.

It's a laughable situation because everyone concluded that the 13th zodiac sign is insignificant, so what then makes the others significant?
  1. Fight for Dominance​

A home where couples take the zodiac sign seriously will be chaotic. Because they have so much knowledge about what their various characters say about them, and they've chosen to pattern their lives according to it, then their marriage will suffer for it. For instance, here's a scenario:

Wife: Honey, why didn't you take out the trash?
Husband: C'mon, you know I'm Gemini, and I'm always busy; I don't have time to take out the garbage.
Wife: And you know I'm Aries, and I can't settle for whatever you're trying to bring to the table right now.
Husband/wife: Engages in mental gymnastics.

In a home like this, the couple can never agree on anything because their different zodiac sign always gets in the way. Funnily, it could be that before they became a couple, they confirmed if their stars aligned. Of course, they were blinded by love, so their stars must align, but after becoming a couple and reality starting to kick in, it has become a different story.
  1. Always in a hurry​

A story was told of a young athlete who was given a fine for overspeeding. He refused to pay the fine, and he was taken to court. When the judge asked him why he was running, he said that he was a Gemini and Geminis are always fast. And everything he does, he does it fast. He said he sleeps fast, eats fast, walks quickly, and drives fast. The judge didn't argue with him about his zodiac sign but instead judged him according to his zodiac sign. The judge said, "let's see how fast you can serve your three years sentence in jail."

The rules are the rules regardless of your zodiac signs, which means you must obey them. Blaming your actions, especially the bad ones on zodiac signs, is a sign of irresponsibility and always comes with consequences along the way.
  1. Something to lean on​

Everyone at a point has suffered low self-esteem and lack of sef confidence. Most times, people around you tell you you're beautiful, strong, and confident, but you never see it. But once you buy into the ideology of astrology, everything changes. When your horoscope tells you you're beautiful, you key into it like you've not suffered for almost half your life thinking you're ugly.

You may come across something like Aries are beautiful, strong, and confident and immediately start feeling attractive. Other people have been told by their zodiac signs that they're beautiful too. They're all general readings, but people need that validation to feel more of themselves.
  1. Not a good match​

It's funny how most people inflict pain on themselves because they think their stars don't match their partner's. Many relationships that were supposed to blossom into something beautiful have broken apart because of their different zodiac signs. Other realistic things can break up a relationship, like incompatible blood groups but not zodiac signs.
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